dishing the sweetness or ditching the "sweetness"?
click the picture to see more about this amazing cake artist and her work
you're a bitch...so what if you are?And, are you tho?
I just came across a post in a neurodivergent forum saying "Am I a bitch or is it a real character trait to always mess up your social relationships?"
SO WHAT if you are "a bitch"?
It is not so much that you are being mean and your intentions are evil, it's more that people take it that way! If you are being honest, straightforward and simply stating this is how you feel, if you offend people unintentionally, maybe they are "the bitch"... (tenet number 4).
Some people just can't appreciate a plain cake without it being covered in so much frosting its flavors get lost under the thick layer of sugarcoating.
Just like the message gets lost in the sugar coating!
Getting out of a relationship, of any kind, which is not more beneficial than it is hurtful to you is frankly a success rather than a failure!It doesn't really matter how it ended. It is not a failure but an accomplishment to get rid of such an emotional burden!
It is anxiety inducing, self harm and not exactly necessary to put yourself through this!
You are capable of introspection, reasonable doubt and humility ...clearly! If you weren't, you wouldn't wonder if it is all your fault!
When a "broken" relationship becomes an irreparable, dysfunctional, relationship, then you are better off without it.
You are trying to reflect/meditate on what it is the other party reproaches you. You value this relationship apparently, you should try and find a way to right your wrongs if you establish you want to. Starting with a conversation is absolutely what you should do! You should not have to apologize for what you said or did honestly, without ill intent, right away. This is not how adults should demand you start a conversation. You might want to apologize for the hurt you caused, although you didn't mean to, but trying to know why it hurt this other party is where you should start.
This is not only applicable between an individual and another individual, but also between an individual and a group (and vice versa): a group or an individual vs society for instance could also have a conversation. The BLM movement, The ongoing and necessary pursuit of justice in the Satanic Temple's actions and campaigns....that too is , to me, a conversation between two parties about hurtful behaviors/ words.
Empathy and compassion (a hint of wisdom helps too) should guide your pursuit of fairness, as it should guide the other party into listening to what you have to say too... (tenet 1.2.7)
If there is no possibility that one or the other would even listen to the argument, then there is no need to put up this sh*t. You are either dealing with an arbitrary brat trying to guilt you into thinking it is all your fault, or you might not be able to agree on it, or it's a deal breaker to them, in that case: respect their boundaries. once again, if a relationship is harmful to you it is your right to disassociate yourself from the other party, it is equally theirs!
As a satanist for instance, I reject tyrannical societal norms: my hair is bright, my clothes are black, I have visible tattoos and piercings, my sexuality is different, my opinions are sometimes controversial... I chose to walk away from this "dialogue de sourd" between me and societal norms. My relationship with "normality" is over...
There isn't always a right or wrong, sometimes it is a matter of subjectivity and there isn't ONE TRUE WAY, and no one is right, both of you are wrong if you try to push your junk (I mean the double entendre) down each other's throat. It is just as much there right to end a relationship that became undesirable to them as it is yours, and you should respect it...
Sometimes things are meant to end for the good of everyone, and it's hard to swallow but better that than risking getting a yucky surprise, getting sick of it, indigestion or poisoning ...
If you think you notice a self sabotaging pattern in your behavior, I invite you to talk to your friends, your partner, your family and ask if they see it too. Maybe consult with a therapist, some people have great success with hypnotherapy and some by just watching videos on youtube and meditating. Self confidence is key, although not always easy to get to. If you have anxiety, being able to identify you anxiety might help getting where you want to get to in your relationship with yourself and others.
As pointed by my friend and proofreader, Dresden Visage, "some people do self sabotage.Some people have trauma and don't feel comfortable in a secure relationship may do things to cause problems because it's more familiar. I have done it. I have been with people who have done it. It's not intentional, but it's a thing."
Once we recognize it is something we do, we can work on finding why and how to get passed it...
Once again my friends, live deliciously, sin away and bite in every fruit of knowledge you can find but know to stay away from what's bad for you...